What Is Acceptance?
Acceptance isn't love, it's not respect, nor is it kindness. It's all three together. "Acceptance" of another is the act of love, respect and kindness.
Each one of us is different. What I need in my relationship with my wife is not what you need in your relationship with your partner. However, what we both do need--as well is everyone else--is the feeling that we are "accepted" by our partner.
One individual may need to be accepted for his tendency to be quiet, whereas another person needs to be accepted for her lack of organizational talent. Whatever idiosyncrasies or unique tendencies an individual has, when he or she feels accepted in spite of them, or even more so, because of them, this all bodes well for the future relationship success.
Of course, there are certain things that individual's do that simply cannot be accepted. However, this relationship advice speaks only about those things that are ordinary and with a reasonable effort can be accepted. The advice to "accept," does not cover drugs, infidelity, domestic violence or the like.
Selfishness Is An “Acceptance” Killer
If a person behaves selfishly, it excludes the opportunity to reach out and accept another person. Accepting another person when his or her ways are different than one's own requires a willingness to sacrifice, at least in part, that which is preferred.
If you behave selfishly, you cannot accept that which is incongruent with your own way of doing things.
Selflessness Builds Healthy Relationships
All healthy and successful relationships are governed by the fundamental principle of putting your partner first. When both you and your partner commit to this principle, it is indeed a sweet and wonderful relationship!
This selfless attitude that leads to putting your partner first, is the prerequisite to “acceptance” and prevents countless relationship problems.
Set Your “Acceptance” Standards
The lower your expectations and standards are--the less you require of your partner--the easier it is to genuinely feel accepting. Ask yourself, what is the least I can live with and still continue to be happy? Then make this your approach toward your partner. It may not be easy, but finding a way is now your responsibility and effort.
Certainly, you have your limits, as we all do! Be honest; yet understand the true value of "acceptance."
Let's say, for example, your partner smokes. Can you live with that? Perhaps! However, what if he also uses drugs. Can you also live with this? And if you insist that he change, and he simply ignores your wishes, can you live with this? If you cannot, then “acceptance” is impossible and you need another plan of action.
Do your best to live with the irritating things that your partner does. You may be neat and he is sloppy, or she talks a lot and you prefer solitude, or he is frugal and you prefer the pleasures in life--change yourself so you can accept these differences.
Accepting personality quirks and other relationship misdemeanors, bodes well for the future of your partnership. We all have an instinctual need to feel that we are OK in the eyes of others. Feeling “accepted” gives us this feeling and when in turn, we pass this feeling on to another, it creates a happy and long-lasting relationship.