The following are guidelines that will help you effectively create a healthy and happy life for your child and prepare him or her for a successful future. Effective parenting requires that you conscientiously, consistently and with determination do your very best in raising your son or daughter.
No parent is perfect, not I nor you. Your task is to do your best which will include at times mistakes. Sometimes these mistakes are obvious or sometimes you will only become aware of them in hindsight.
Mistakes are part of being a parent and it is necessary to accept this! As a parent, you need to feel -- if you are to be effective -- confident and secure in your abilities and efforts.
Still, you need to try your best to be the best parent possible. Having said that, here are some valuable suggestions.
Here are the Eleven Parenting Beliefs:
1. In a best environment children grow strong and healthy with minimal parental involvement. When your child is healthy and secure, he or she will naturally do the "right thing" most of the time. When children are allowed to make "safe" mistakes they learn and grow. Mistakes are needed to grow and move forward. You should only step-in when absolutely necessary.
2. When a child lives in a best environment the parents primary role is to educate for future success. For example: How to read, how to think in a healthy way, how to behave with other people, etc. When you limit your role as such, your son or daughter is unlikely to have problems.
3. An imperfect environment is a stressful environment and causes a childs natural development to be distorted and retarded. Such stress comes from many sources.
a. Parents fighting, unhappiness, or inappropriate expectations of the child.
b. Divorce or becoming part of a blended family.
c. Illness in the family, divorce.
e. Being cruel to a child
f. Neglect or abuse.
4. Love and discipline are two necessary ingredients to raising a healthy, happy and confident child. One without the other can seriously injure your son or daughter. Just as a car needs both a gas peddle and a brake peddle, so too, your child needs to be encouraged and at times restrained.
5. "Love" and "discipline" need to be in balance. The quantity of "love" must be greater than that of "discipline." There is nothing more valuable and essential to the parent-child relationship then love and its derivatives acceptance, validation, understanding and affection. Disciple must be like pepper on food -- used sparingly.
In fact, love is so important it is actually the only justification for discipline. You discipline your son or daughter because you care about his or her future -- there can be no other valid reason. Discipline is part of his or her education and an expression of your love. When your son or daughter is raised correctly, discipline is rarely needed (and sometime not at all).
Love, as they say, makes the world go round. So too, LOVE should be the foundation of your relationship with your child.
6. A child learns by observing and absorbing what a parent does, thinks, and feels. Thus, it is incumbent upon you to live the way you want your child to live -- now and as an adult. Don't tell your son or daughter one thing, then do the opposite, and then expect your child to do what you say and not what you do.
7. Children have sensitive and sophisticated feelings. Generally they feel the same feelings that adults do. Thus, you need to maintain an exacting manner in how your son or daughter is spoken to, treated and educated. Don't shame or frighten. The emotional pain of such treatment is great and may never be overcome.
8. Children learn through formal and informal lessons. Formal lessons: That which is learned from books and instruction such as learning math, memorizing rules, and being introduced to new ideas. Informal lessons: That which is learned through discovery such as occurs when playing, socializing and testing limits. Formal and informal lessons are both necessary to your son's or daughter's cognitive and emotional growth.
9. Being close and trusting with people are paramount to a childs emotional development and mental health. Your son or daughter can learn to trust only when those individuals in in his or her life are trustworthy. Abuse, anger, dishonesty and hypocrisy destroy trust. Kindness, love, understanding and loyalty build trust.
10. In addition to practical problem solving, teaching spiritual solutions to challenges and disappointment are essential for happiness. Happiness as a child and then is an adult are dependent upon these lessons. For example: It is important to teach your son or daughter that good things don't always come immediately and that loving and being loved is more satisfying than being rich.
11. As a child matures, he or she is awarded an increasing amount of responsibility and independence. When your raise your child with increased "responsibility" and independence," then when the age of maturity is finally achieved, your son or daughter will be ready for independent living and to fully accept responsibility for his or her actions. This natural and essential transition from the early years of childhood to adulthood is absolutely necessary for your child's health, well-being, and future.
Follow the above guidelines and you will succeed as a parent and your son or daughter will be well prepared for his or her adulthood.