An often asked question, it is one laden with assumptions, misconceptions and
truly good intentions.
Behind the question lies the subtle suggestion that a soul mate is that one
other person on earth, into whose eyes you gaze and you know with
certainty...the scenario ends with riding off happily into an eternal
But the very term soul mate, is in itself indication that a lifetime of
loving your partner is not, and cannot, be the result of a chance or planned
encounter which concludes with your being carried off into a forever after of
For to find ones' soul mate the search must be not for another human being,
but rather for their soul, and that search begins with the journey of finding
and revealing ones' own soul.
The Kabbalists teach that the soul is the concealed Divine core of man. That
which motivates ones' goodness, ones' selflessness, indeed, ones' decency, is
the concealed power of the Divine soul. To make contact with ones' soul
requires much effort and great humility.
In the Talmud (Tractate Megillah), our Sages comment on the humble
nature of G-d, "There where you find His greatness, there you will find His
humility". Indeed, from the observers point of view, it would not be difficult
to conclude that while the existence of the world and all its' variables and
life forms is absolute, the existence of G-d - who we cannot see - is a
Therein lays the ultimate act of humility. G-d intentionally created the
world in a manner in which He remains concealed until we, through our
performance of mitzvos and study of Torah, reveal the Divine. Created
in the image of G-d, corporeal man, too, conceals his essential Divine, by
nature of the body concealing the soul; the quest to reveal the Divine core of
self and create a vessel into which another can enter and find a home.
To reveal that which is concealed requires work and patience. Patience
primarily with oneself, for in the process of this search one will come in
contact with layer upon layer of corporeal self. Peeling back some of these
layers can be an uncomfortable and sometimes painful process. One must revisit
past experiences with a new vision, with Divine vision, through the eyes of the
clarity that Torah and its spiritual study provides. This newly obtained lens
of humility, the Divine understanding that "ein od milvado"(there is
nothing but G-d) provides the ability to restructure the way we have in the past
responded to events and external stimuli.
It may feel like much time passes before one achieves even fleeting
soul-revealing moments. A journey such as this one, where the desired goal is to
access the very Divine nature that drives you and transform the way you have
experienced yourself and your existence in the past, is a life altering
If this is the journey of ones' own soul search, surely then we cannot expect
to reveal our "partnersoul" in a moments' glance or in a fairytale
Having experienced the revelation of the Divine soul, one is now aware that
it is only good that G-d bestows upon us and we become fully congnizant that as
Divine beings we, too, are here to bestow only goodness upon another.
The search for a soul mate can now begin. Ones' criteria have shifted along
with ones' perspectives. Humility now charts the course of our search and a
nonjudgmental attitude is the yardstick of our choices.
It is when we find what we seek that we begin the mating of souls -- each
revealing deeper levels of goodness in the other and seeing the Divine even when
the corporeal seems to take over. Each partner prepares to spend a lifetime of
soul-searching whenever the need arises. Whether that be the search into ones'
own G-dliness or rising to the challenge of seeing the temporarily obscured
G-dliness of our partner.
This is how you find, search for and "refined" your soul mate.