I am having major problems with my two year old. He has huge tantrums and is
impossible to control. We are going crazy and don't know what to do. Is there
some Kabbalistic formula to get a child to behave?
If you are seeking a magical incantation that will instantly bring your child
into line, I can't help you. But here is a Kabbalistic idea that may give you
The Kabbalah teaches that there is a parent/child relationship going on
within every one of us. In that relationship, intellect is the parent, and
emotion is the child.
Our emotions, like children, are colourful and fun, wild and untamed,
impulsive and erratic. Emotions know no boundaries, have no sense of proportion,
and are not reasonable. Our heart can take us to great heights of pleasure and
happiness, or can lead us down dark paths of confusion and hurt. This is because
our heart is full of vitality and energy, but lacks one important skill: it has
When we thoughtlessly follow our heart, we get lost. We can fall in love with
the wrong person, get angry for no good reason, or be scared of our own
imaginary ghosts. It is our mind that provides direction and perspective,
education and guidance. A cool and clear-thinking mind can calmly direct the
heart to feel the right emotion at the right time; when to love and when to
fear, when to get excited and when to hold back.
The same holds true for being parents to our children. A child is a bundle of
emotion, spontaneous and moody, passionate and irrational. This is what makes
children so lovable and so impossible. They have not yet developed the ability
for mind to direct heart. And so, the parent must stand in and play the role of
the mind for the child, to help them tell right from wrong, to guide them to
channel and control their emotions.
This means that a good parent must have all the characteristics of the mind:
calmness, clarity, and consistency. The child doesn't always obey the parent,
just like at times emotions are too strong to listen to intellect. But even
then, the message must be conveyed in a clear and calm manner.
If your child is tantruming, then he is playing his role well. Your role is
to keep your composure and let him know that what he is doing is unacceptable.
This may not magically stop his tantrums, but it will give him a model of mature
behaviour - that mind controls heart, like a parent directs a child.