A great Sage, Rabbi Shimon ben Gamliel, in "Ethics of the Fathers", prescribed a formula for the existence of the world. He said: "The
world exists on three things: Truth, Justice and Peace."
In marriage, a new world is called into being, its inhabitants are husband
and wife. In Rabbi Gamliel's words we find solicitous advice for the new
The first prerequisite for the stability and security of this new world is
truth. Husband and wife must be truthful and hones with one another. If there is
deceit, dishonesty, lack of trust and faith, it is impossible for a good
marriage to exist. The first law, therefore, is to be truthful, candid and frank
with each other. By discussing problems and facing issues squarely and
truthfully, differences are more easily resolved and relationships cemented.
The second axiom is judgement. This simply means that each partner
should judge the other with compassion and understanding. Even if quarrels take
place and harsh words are spoken, you are advised not to be adamant, stubborn or
unforgiving. Give each other the benefit of the doubt and judge each other on
the scale of merit.
Seek and find reasons to admire and respect one another, rather than look for
the unfavorable attributes each possesses. Try to use reasoned judgement, don't
follow impetuous and emotional flashes of action.
Finally, a home must have Shalom, peace and tranquility. There are many
causes for the disruption of family harmony. Peace of mind can easily be
destroyed by constant complaining and displeasure. Tranquility can disappear
because of unreasonable demands by either partner. Each must hink of the greater
good, the peaceful home where dissension has no place.
A husband and wife should consider themselves partners in the same team
working for their mutual benefit, rather than adversaries seeking to win points
in a contest.
A mastery of the three qualities of truth, justice and peace will spell