The world's natural bodies of water- its oceans, rivers, wells, and springfed
lakes - are mikvahs in their most primal form. They contain waters of
divine source and thus, tradition teaches, the power to purify. Created even
before the earth took shape, these bodies of water offer a quintessential route
to consecration. But they pose difficulties as well. These waters may be
inaccessible or dangerous, not to mention the problems of inclement weather and
lack of privacy. Jewish life therefore necessitates the construction of
mikvahs (Mikvah pools), and indeed this has been done by Jews
in every age and circumstance.
To the uninitiated, a modern-day mikvah looks like a miniature
swimming pool. In a religion rich with detail, beauty, and ornamentation -
against the backdrop of the ancient temple or even modern-day synagogues the
mikvah is surprisingly nondescript, a humble structure.
Its ordinary appearance, however, belies its primary place in Jewish life and
law. The mikvah offers the individual, the community, and the nation of
Israel the remarkable gift of purity and holiness. No other religious
establishment, structure, or rite can affect the Jew in this way and, indeed, on
such an essential level. Its extraordinary power, however, is contingent on its
construction in accordance with the numerous and complex specifications as
outlined in Halachah, Jewish Law.
Briefly: A mikvah must be built into the ground or
built as an essential part of a building. Portable receptacles, such as
bathtubs, whirlpools, or Jacuzzis, can therefore never function as
mikvahs. The mikvah must contain a minimum of two hundred
gallons of rainwater that was gathered and siphoned into the mikvah pool in
accordance with a highly specific set of regulations. In extreme cases where the
acquisition of rainwater is impossible, ice or snow originating from a natural
source may be used to fill the mikvah. As with the rainwater, an
intricate set of laws surrounds its transport and handling.
The casual observer will often see only one pool - the one used for
immersion. In reality, most mikvahs are comprised of two, sometimes
three, adjoining pools. While the accumulated rainwater is kept in one pool, the
adjacent immersion pool is drained and refilled regularly with tap water. The
pools share a common wall that has a hole at least two inches in diameter.
The free flow, or"kissing", of waters between the two pools makes the waters
of the immersion pool an extension of the natural rainwater, thus conferring
upon the immersion pool the legal status of a mikvah.(The above
description is one of two methods sanctioned by Halachah to achieve
Modern-day mikvah pools are equipped with filtration and water
purification systems. The mikvah waters are commonly chest high and
kept at a comfortable temperature. Access to the pool is achieved via stairs.
(Mikvahs accessible to the handicapped or infirm are equipped with
lifts; see pages 239-240 for a partial listing of these mikvahs.)
The mikvah as an institution is the victim of a popular
misconception. Immersion in water is naturally associated with cleansing. To
further complicate the issue, Jews historically were often barred by the
authorities from using rivers in their cities for bathing. In response they
built bathhouses, many with mikvahs in or near them. Together, these
factors forged an inextricable link between the idea of mikvah and
physical hygiene. But the mikvah never was a monthly substitute for a
bath or shower. In fact, the Halachah stipulates that one must be
scrupulously clean before immersing. To facilitate this requirement, preparation
areas-with baths and showers, shampoos, soaps, and other cleansing and beauty
aids-are a staple of the modern mikvah.
Many mikvahs are located in synagogues, always in a discreet part of
the building and usually with their own entrance. Larger mikvahs are
generally housed in freestanding buildings. Until a relatively short time ago,
most mikvahs could best be described as utilitarian: function, not
comfort, dictated their style. A new awareness among modern Jewish women, the
rabbinate, and community leaders over the last few decades has sparked a new
trend in Mikvah construction. Beautiful, even lavish, mikvahs
- complete with elegant foyers and waiting rooms, fully equipped
preparation areas, and well-designed mikvah pools - are being built
across this country and around the world. Some mikvahs rival luxurious
European spas and offer patrons more amenities than they could enjoy at
In communities with large populations of mikvah users, the building
may house as many as twenty or thirty preparation areas and two to four
immersion pools. In these facilities, an intercom system linking each of the
rooms to a central desk and an attendant ensures the privacy of the many
mikvah users. Some of the larger mikvah buildings include
conference rooms used for tours and educational programming.
Today it is not just a Jewish metropolis that can boast a mikvah. In
remote, even exotic, locations-Argentina and Brazil, Tasmania and Austria;
Anchorage, Alaska, and Bogota, Colombia; Yerres, France, and Ladispoli, Italy;
Agadir,Morocco, and Asuncion in Paraguay; Lima, Peru, and Cape Town, South
Africa;Bangkok, Thailand, and Zarzis, Tunisia; and almost every city in the
C.I.S.(former Soviet Union)-there are kosher and comfortable mikvahs
and rabbi sand rebbetzins willing and able to assist any woman in their use. In
many communities a tour of the mikvah is available on request. Upon
arrival in a new city or when traveling, information about mikvahs in the region
can be obtained by phoning the local mikvah office, the Orthodox synagogue, or
the Chabad House.
Immersion in the mikvah has offered a gateway to purity ever
since the creation of man. The Midrash relates that after being banished from
Eden, Adam sat in a river that flowed from the garden. This was an integral part
of his teshuvah (repentance) process, of his attempt at return to his original
perfection. Before the revelation at Sinai, all Jews were commanded to immerse
themselves in preparation for coming face to face with God. In the desert, the
famed;well of Miriam served as a mikvah. And Aaron and his sons'
induction into the priesthood was marked by immersion in the
In Temple times, the priests as well as each Jew who wished entry into the
House of God had first to immerse in a mikvah. On Yom Kippur, the
holiest of all days, the High Priest was allowed entrance into the Holy of
Holies, the innermost chamber of the Temple, into which no other mortal could
enter.This was the zenith of a day that involved an ascending order of
services,each of which was preceded by immersion in the mikvah.
The primary uses of mikvah today are delineated in Jewish Law and
date back to the dawn of Jewish history. They cover many elements of Jewish
life. Mikvah's an integral part of conversion to Judaism.
mikvah's used, thoughtless widely known, for the immersion of new pots,
dishes, and utensils (purchased or obtained from a non few) before they are used
by a Jew. The mikvah concept is also the focal point of the
Taharah, the purification rite of a Jew before the person is laid to
rest and the soul ascends on high. The manual pouring of water in a highly
specific manner-over the entire body of the deceased serves this purpose.
Mikvah is also used by men on various occasions; with the exception of
conversion, they are all customary.
The most widely practiced are immersion by a groom on his wedding day and by
every man before Yom Kippur. Many Chassidic men use the mikvah before
each Shabbat and holiday, some even making use of mikvah each day
before morning prayer (in cities with large populations of observant Jews,
special mikvahs for men facilitate these customs). But the most important and
general usage of mikvah's for purification by the menstruant woman. For
the menstruant woman, immersion in a mikvah is part of a larger
framework best known as Taharat Hamishpachah (Family Purity).
As with every area of Jewish practice, Family Purity involves a set of
detailed laws; namely, the "when," "what," and "how"of observance. Studying with
a woman who is experienced in this field is the time-honored way of gaining
familiarity and comfort with the practice.In cities or communities with large
Jewish populations, there may be classes one can join. The majority of women,
however, come by this knowledge through a more personal one on one encounter.
While books are a poor substitute for a knowledgeable teacher, select titles
can be used as a guide to this ritual or for quick reference (see suggested book
list on pages 235-236). Those with a serious interest in observing this ritual
may want to follow up their reading with discussion and/or further study. On
occasion, medical conditions or other factors might necessitate rabbinic
counsel. Wherever you are, you can count on one thing: there is always someone
available and eager to help you, in person or by phone (see pages 236-237 for
What follows is only a brief overview of these laws. It is not, and was not
intended to be, a substitute for proper study of this subject.
Family purity is a system predicated on the woman's monthly cycle. From the
onset of menstruation and for seven days after its end, until the woman immerses
in the mikvah, husband and wife may not engage in sexual relations.To avoid
violation of this law, the couple should curtail their indulgence in actions
they find arousing. They should put a check on direct physical contact and
refrain from manifestations of affection such as petting, necking, caressing,
and the like. The technical term for a woman in this state is Niddah
(literal meaning: to be separated).
The seven day transition period, known as the "clean" or "white"days, begins
only after the woman has determined the complete cessation of her menses by
means of a simple internal examination. The examination should be carried out
before sunset of the day her period ends, provided there has been a minimum of
five days from the onset of menstruation. (Even if a woman's period lasts less
than five days she must still wait a minimum of five days from its onset before
examining herself.) If her bleeding ceases after nightfall, she waits for the
afternoon of the next day to examine herself and begin her weeklong count.
During the seven day "white" period, the woman should examine herself
regularly to ensure that there is no further issue of menstrual blood. In
addition, white underclothes are worn during this period so thatthe woman can be
sure to sight any bloody discharge.
Exactly a week from when the woman has established the cessation of herflow,
barring any staining or spotting, she visits the mikvah (i.e., ifshe examined
herself before sunset on Monday, she will visit the mikvah the
following Monday evening). Hence, there is a minimum of twelve days during which
conjugal life is suspended.
Immersion takes place after nightfall of the seventh day and is preceded by a
requisite cleansing. The immersion is valid only when the waters of the
mikvah envelop each and every part of the body and, indeed, each
hair.To this end, the woman bathes, shampoos, combs her hair, and removes
fromher body anything that might impede her total immersion.
A female attendant, known as a shomeret, is present at immersion.
She assists in ensuring that there are no intervening substances or objects
(makeup, loose hair or jewelry, etcetera) on the woman's body and that her
wholebody is submerged all at once during immersion. In keeping with the
biblical injunction against placing oneself in danger, the attendant is also
there to assist the woman as necessary.
Immersion in the mikvah is the culmination of the Taharat
Hamishpachah discipline.It is a special moment for the woman who has
adhered to the many nuances of the mitzvah and has anticipated this night.
Sometimes, however, the woman may be feeling rushed or anxious for reasons
related or unrelated to thisrite. At this point, she should relax, spend a few
moments contemplating the importance of the immersion, and in an unhurried
fashion, lower herself into the mikvah waters. After immersing once, while
standing in the waters of the mikvah, the woman recites the blessing
for ritual purification and then, in accordance with widespread custom, immerses
twice more. Many women use this auspicious time for personal prayer and
communication with God. After immersion, woman and husband may resume marital
Before exploring the deeper dimensions of this ritual, we must briefly
examine the centrality of mikvah to Jewish life. Most Jews, even those
who deem themselves secular, are familiar, at least conceptually, with religious
observances such as the Sabbath, the dietary laws, Yom Kippur and a number of
other Torah laws. Mikvah and Family Purity, on the other hand, are
shrouded in obscurity pages torn out of the book, as it were. The observance of
Family Purity is a biblical injunction of the highest order. The infraction of
this law is equated with major transgressions such as eating chametz (leavened
foods) on Passover, intentional violation of the fast on the holy day of Yom
Kippur, and not entering into the covenant through ritual circumcision, brit
Most Jews see the synagogue as the central institution in Jewish life. But
Jewish Law states that constructing a mikvah takes precedence even over
building a house of worship. Both a synagogue and a Torah Scroll, Judaism's most
venerated treasure, may be sold to raise funds for the building of a mikvah. In
fact, in the eyes of Jewish law, a group of Jewish families living together do
not attain the status of a community if they do not have a communal
This is so for a simple reason: private and even communal prayer can be held
in virtually any location, and venues for the social functions of the synagogue
can be found elsewhere. But Jewish married life, and therefore the birth of
future generations in accordance with Halachah, is possible only where
there is accessibility to a mikvah. It is no exaggeration to state that
the mikvah is the touchstone of Jewish life and the portal to a Jewish
We have already determined that the function of mikvah is not to
enhance physical hygiene. The concept of mikvah is rooted in the
Jewish life is marked by the notion of Havdalah - separation or
distinction. On Saturday night, as the Shabbat departs and the new week
begins, Jews are reminded of the borders that delineate every aspect of life.
Over a cup of sanctified wine, the Jew blesses God who "separates between the
holy and the mundane, between light and darkness, between Israel and the
nations, between the seventh day and six days of labor...."
In fact,the literal definition of the Hebrew word kodesh - most
often translated as "holy"- is that which is separated; segregated from the rest
for a unique purpose, for consecration.
In many ways mikvah is the threshold separating the unholy from the
holy, but it is even more. Simply put, immersion in a mikvah signals a
change in status - more correctly, an elevation in status. Its unparalleled
function lies in its power of transformation, its ability to effect
Utensils that could heretofore not be used can, after immersion, be
utilized in the holy act of eating as a Jew. A woman, who from the onset of her
menses was in a state of Niddut, separated from her husband, may after
immersion be reunited with him in the ultimate holiness of married intimacy. Men
or women in Temple times, who were precluded from services because of ritual
defilement, could, after immersion, alight the Temple mount, enter the house of
God and involve themselves in sacrificial offerings and the like. The case of
the convert is most dramatic. The individual who descends into the
mikvah as a gentile emerges from beneath its waters as a Jew.
God's commandments, the 613 injunctions known as mitzvot, are
divided into three distinct categories:
Mishpatim are those laws governing the civil and moral fabric of
life; they are logical, readily understood, and widely appreciated as pivotal to
the foundation and maintenance of a healthy society. Examples are the
proscription against murder, theft, and adultery.
Eidut are those rituals and rites best described as testimonials.
This category includes the many religious acts that remind Jews of historic
moments in their history and serve as testament to cardinal beliefs of the
Jewish faith, such as the observance of the Sabbath, the celebration of
Passover, and the affixing of a mezuzah on the doorpost.
The third category, chukkim, are suprarational principles; they are
Divine decrees about which the human mind can form no judgment. Chukkim
completely defy human intellect and understanding. From time immemorial they
have been a source of amusement, a target of scorn, and an uncomfortable and
shameful presence to the detractors of Jewish observance. For the observant
Jew,they personify a mitzvah at its best; a pure, unadulterated avenue
of connection with God. These mitzvot are recognized as the greatest,
the ones capable of affecting the soul on the deepest level. Unimpeded by the
limitations of the human mind, these statutes are practiced for one reason only:
the fulfillment of God's word. Examples are the laws of Kashrut, the
prohibition against wearing shatnez (clothes containing a combination
of wool and linen),and the laws of ritual purity and mikvah. When all
is said and done, an understanding of the ultimate reason for the framework of
Family Purity and its culminating point immersion in the mikvah - is
impossible. We observe simply because God so ordained it. Still there are
insights that can help add dimension and meaning to our mikvah
In the beginning there was only water. A miraculous compound, it is the
primary source and vivifying factor of all sustenance and, by extension, all
life as we know it. But Judaism teaches it is more. For these very same
attributes - water as source and sustaining energy - are mirrored in the
spiritual. Water has the power to purify: to restore and replenish life to our
essential, spiritual selves. The mikvah personifies both the womb and
the grave; the portals to life and afterlife.
In both, the person is stripped of all power and prowess. In both there is a
mode of total reliance, complete abdication of control. Immersion in the
mikvah can be understood as a symbolic act of self-abnegation, the
conscious suspension of the self as an autonomous force. In so doing, the
immersing Jew signals a desire to achieve oneness with the source of all life,
to return to a primeval unity with G-d. Immersion indicates the abandonment of
one form of existence to embrace one infinitely higher. In keeping with this
theme, immersion in the mikvah is described not only in terms of
purification, revitalization, and rejuvenation but also - and perhaps primarily
- as rebirth.
In years gone by, menstruating women were a grave source of
consternation and fear. At best they were avoided, at worst they were shunned
and cast aside. Often, menstruating women were blamed for tragedy and mishap, as
if they had polluted the environment with their breath or gaze. This was a
simplistic, if not misguided, response to a complex phenomenon whose rhyme and
reason eluded the primitive mind. In those societies, peace could be made with
menstruation only by ascribing it to evil and demonic spirits and by the
adaptation of a social structure that facilitated its avoidance. Viewed against
this backdrop, the Jewish rhythm in marriage is perceived by many as a throwback
to archaic taboos, a system rooted in antiquated attitudes and a ubiquitous form
of misogyny. In truth, Family Purity is a celebration of life and our most
precious human relationships. It can be understood most fully only within a
deeper notion of purity and impurity.
Judaism teaches that the source of all Taharah, "purity,"
is life itself. Conversely, death is the harbinger of Tumah,
"impurity". All types of ritual impurity, and the Torah describes many, are
rooted in the absence of life or some measure - even a whisper - of death. When
stripped to its essence, a woman's menses signals the death of potential life.
Each month a woman's body prepares for the possibility of conception. The
uterine lining is built up-rich and replete, ready to serve as a cradle for life
- in anticipation of a fertilized ovum. Menstruation is the shedding of the
lining, the end of this possibility. The presence of potential life within fills
a woman's body with holiness and purity. With the departure of this potential,
impurity sets in, conferring upon the woman a state of impurity or, more
specifically, Niddut. Impurity is neither evil nor dangerous and it is
not something tangible. Impurity is a spiritual state of being, the absence of
purity, much as darkness is the absence of light. Only immersion in the
mikvah, following the requisite preparation, has the power to change
the status of the woman.
The concept of purity and impurity as mandated by the Torah and applied
within Jewish life is unique; it has no parallel or equivalent in this
post-modern age. Perhaps that is why it is difficult for the contemporary mind
to relate to the notion and view it as relevant.
In ancient times, however, Tumah and Taharah were central
and determining factors. The status of a Jew - whether he or she was ritually
pure or impure -was at the very core of Jewish living; it dictated and regulated
a person's involvement in all areas of ritual. Most notably, Tumah made
entrance into the Holy Temple impossible and thus sacrificial offering
There were numerous types of impurities that affected Jews - regarding both
their life and Temple service and a commensurate number of purification
processes. Mikvah immersion was the culmination of the purification
rite in every case. Even for the ritually pure, ascending to a higher level of
spiritual involvement or holiness necessitated immersion in a mikvah.
As such, the institution of mikvah took center stage in Jewish
In our day, in this post Temple period, the power and
interplay of ritual status has all but vanished, relegating this dynamic to
obscurity. There is, however, one arena in which purity and impurity continue to
be pivotal. In this connection only is there a biblical mandate for
mikvah immersion - and that is regarding human sexuality. To understand
why this is so, we must first understand how the Torah views sexuality.
The alleged incompatibility of sexuality and spirituality - more precisely,
their antithetical nature - is a notion that, while foreign to Torah thought, is
attributed by many to Judaic philosophy under the larger and completely mythical
rubric of a "Judeo-Christian" creed. Few concepts have done more harm than this
widespread misapprehension. In stark contrast to Christian dogma - where
marriage is seen as a concession to the weakness of the flesh, and celibacy is
extolled as a virtue - the Torah accords matrimony an exalted and holy
Within that consecrated union, the expression of human sexuality is a
mandate, a mitzvah. In fact, it is the first mitzvah in the
Torah and one of the holiest of all human endeavors. Moreover, human lovemaking
signals the possibility and potential for new life, the formation of a new body
and the descent from heaven of a new soul. In their fusing and meshing, man and
woman become part of something larger; in their transcendence of the self, they
draw on, and even touch, the Divine. They enter into a partnership with God;
they come closest to taking on the godly attribute of creator. In fact, the
sacredness of the intimate union remains unmitigated even when the possibility
of conception does not exist.
In the metaphysical sense, the act and its potential remain linked. Human
sexuality is a primary force in the lives of a married couple; it is the unique
language and expression of the love they share. A strong relationship between
husband and wife is not only the backbone of their own family unit but is
integral to the world at large. For the blessings of trust, stability,
continuity, and ultimately, community, all flow from the commitment they have to
each other and to a joint future.
In reaffirming their commitment, in their intimacy, the couple adds to the
vibrancy and health of their society, of humanity, and ultimately to the
fruition of the Divine plan: a world perfected by man. In their private,
personal togetherness, they are creators of peace, harmony, and healing - on a
microcosmic scale but with macrocosmic reverberations - and as such are engaged
in the most sacred of pursuits. In this light it becomes clear why marital
relations are often referred to as the Holy Temple of human endeavor. And
entrance to the Holy always was, and continues to be, contingent on ritual
While we can not presently serve God in a physical Temple in Jerusalem, we
can erect a sacred shrine within our lives. Immersion in the mikvah is
the gateway to the Holy ground of conjugality.
The laws of Family Purity are a divine ordinance.
There is no better, more legitimate, more logical, or essential reason for their
observance. It is a difficult commandment, a discipline that makes demands on
our time, our psyche, and our emotions. It is a force at odds with the flesh, a
way of life that the average person would not likely choose or devise. It calls
for willful suspension of self-determination, the subservience of our most
intimate desires to the bidding of a higher authority. And therein lies the
mitzvah's potency. The knowledge that it is sourced in something larger
than the self -that it is not based on the emotions or subjective decision of
one or the other - allows Taharat Hamishpachah to work for the mutual
benefit of woman and husband.
Ironically, this "unfathomable" mitzvah reveals its blessings to us
more than almost any other, in daily, palpable ways. Its rewards are
commensurate with the challenge of observance. At first glance, the
mikvah system speaks of limitations and constraints - a loss of
freedom. In truth, emancipation is born of restriction. Secure, confident, well
adjusted children (and adults) are disciplined children; they understand
restraint and ultimately learn self-control. Safe, stable countries are those
pieces of land surrounded by definite, well guarded borders. The drawing of
parameters creates terra firma amid chaos and confusion and allows for
traversing of the plain we call 'Life" in a progressive and productive manner.
In no area of life is this more necessary than in our most intimate
"From every tree of the garden you may indeed eat but from the Tree of
Knowledge of Good and Evil you must not eat...." So God commanded Adam and Eve
on the day of their creation. But they indulged on that fateful Friday
afternoon, and the history of mankind was altered forever. The complicated
nature of human sexuality has its genesis in this tale. For the Tree of
Knowledge contained a mixture of good and bad, and indulgence of this
"knowledge" by primeval man introduced a new world order: a world where good and
bad intermingled, a world of confusion and challenge, multiple choices, and
No longer would intimate relations - one among many human biological
functions - be as natural and uncomplicated as the others. Banishment from the
Garden of Eden meant the introduction of a new sexuality: one pregnant with
possibility and fraught with tension. It would hold the key to great ecstasy and
excruciating pain, the most tantalizing fulfillment and most devastating
sensation of void. A meaningful union would necessitate unequivocal commitment
and constant nurturing by man and woman. But even the maximum effort put forth
by man would need to be augmented by help from above. The blessing would flow
from a reservoir called mikvah, and Eden as it was before the sin would
Trite as it may sound, mikvah offers couples the possibility of
repeated "honeymoons" during the course of their marriage. Boredom, a seemingly
innocuous state of affairs, can beleaguer any relationship and chip away at its
foundation. The mandatory monthly separation fosters feelings of longing and
desire - at the very least, a sense of appreciation - which is followed by the
excitement of reunion.
Over the course of a lifetime, open ended sexual availability may well lead
to a waning of excitement and even interest. The monthly hiatus teaches couples
to treasure the time they have together and gives them something to look forward
to when they are apart. Every month they are separated not always when
convenient or easy - but they wait for one another. They think about each other
and how it is when they can be physical - all the while counting the days until
their togetherness - and each time there is a new quality to their reunion. In
this regard the Talmud states: "So that she will be as beloved as on the day of
The man-woman relationship thrives on a model of withdrawal and return.The
Torah teaches that Adam and Eve in their original form were created as an
androgenous being. Subsequently, God separated them, thus granting them
independence on the one hand and the possibility for a chosen union on the
other. Men and women have been pulling apart and coming together ever since. The
mikvah system grants the married couple this necessary dynamic. Within
their commitment to live together and be loyal to each other forever, within
their monogamy and security, there is still this springlike mechanism at work.
God wanted man and woman to find each other on their own and to work at that
quest - not merely once but constantly - in an ongoing process of becoming "one
flesh". Human beings share a nearly universal intuitive tendency for the
forbidden. Solomon, the wisest of all men, spoke of "stolen waters which are
sweeter." How many otherwise intelligent, calculated individuals have
jeopardized their marriages and families in pursuit of the illicit because of
its seeming promise of the romantic and the new? Mikvah introduces a novel
scenario: one's spouse - one's partner in life, day after day, for better and
for worse becomes temporarily inaccessible, forbidden, off limits.
Often this gives couples reason and opportunity to consider each other anew.
In this "removed" span of time, from this new vantage point, they view and
approach each other with enhanced appreciation. The Taharat Hamishpachah
discipline is helpful in other ways as well: fluctuation and disparity in
sexual desire can never be completely alleviated. Yet the regulation in the
mikvah system serves to assuage tensions that arise from this
source.For couples who must abstain for a minimum of twelve days a month, the
time they have together is peak time for both, a time they cherish and
While a physical distancing is mandated, emotional intimacy is encouraged and
indeed nurtured. Meaningful communication - that precious and increasingly rare
form of art - is given full expression as couples must learn to embrace and hug,
comfort and rejoice, all without touching skins. A new strata is uncovered in
their relationship, a new possibility emerges: friendship.
Jewish mysticism speaks of two types of love. There is ahavah shel
eish,love that is compared to fire. This love is hot and passionate; it
abates and flare-up cyclically in its quest to rise ever higher. This flaming
emotion must be guarded lest it sputter and die.
Then there is ahavah shel mayim, love that is like water. This love
is cool, deep, and ever present; it is not extinguishable, there is no fear of
an eclipse. Love between a man and woman must be twice blessed; it must contain
the miraculous combination of fire and water. Mikvah - with its two
weeks on, two weeks off schedule - lends venue to the development of both; it
brings fruition to the blessing conferred upon every Jewish couple under the
chuppah: that of love and harmony, peace and friendship. For many women, their
time as a niddah also offers them a measure of solitude and introspection. There
is, additionally, an empowering feeling of autonomy over their bodies and,
indeed, over the sexual relationship they share with their spouses. There is
strength and comfort in the knowledge that human beings can neither have their
every whim nor be had at whim.
The benefits brought to married life by the practice of Family Purity
have been recognized by numerous experts, Jew and gentile alike. To be sure,
this type of analysis, as any other, is subject to argument and critique.
Ultimately, however, mikvah's powerful hold on the Jewish people - its
promise of hope and redemption - is rooted in the Torah and flows from a belief
in God and His perfect wisdom.
Judaism calls for the consecration of human sexuality. It is
not enough that intimacy be born of commitment and sworn to exclusivity, it must
be sacred. As such, the first mandated time for immersion in the mikvah
is at the threshold of marriage.
Mikvah before marriage, strictly speaking, is not contingent upon a
commitment to regular observance of Family Purity. Even so, it should not be
understood as unrelated to this larger framework. It is simply the first time a
Jewish woman is commanded to purify herself in this way. And it is an awesome
and auspicious way to start a new life together with one's beloved.
learning of the details and giving them due consideration, mikvah is a
ritual that can be easily incorporated in the pre-wedding preparations by every
Jewish bride and groom. The wedding date should be planned around the bride's
monthly cycle, thus allowing for her immersion before the nuptial.
Tremendous amounts of time and energy are expended in planning a wedding.
There is an innate human hope that a perfect wedding equals a perfect start in
life. Yet all thinking individuals recognize human limitations. That which we
most need and want - health, good fortune, and children - are beyond our
control. As we voice the age old greeting of mazel tov, we are offering up a
prayer to the one above, asking that He bless the new couple with abundant
goodness. Immersion in the mikvah is an important way of drawing God
and His blessing into the marriage.
For as long as a woman menstruates, her monthly cycle dictates the rhythm of
conjugal relations within the marriage, and each month it is a mitzvah
for husband and wife to draw renewal from the waters of the mikvah. For
those who have not made a lifelong commitment at the onset of married life, it
is never too late to begin following the laws of Family Purity. Similarly, while
observance should ideally be continuous, one should not allow a lapse of any
length to deter further commitment. Nor is this practice contingent on the
observance of other precepts in the Torah. Mikvah is not, as is often
thought, the exclusive domain of the strictly observant.
Even if they are not ready for adherence to these laws at all times, women
and their husbands should give particular consideration to this mitzvah
before the conception of their children. Mikvah, we are taught, is the
conduit for drawing down an exalted (a pure) soul vested in a receptive and
healthy body. For the post-menopausal woman, one final immersion in the
mikvah offers purity for the rest of her life. Even a woman who has
never used the mikvah before should make a special effort to immerse
after menopause (it is never too late for a woman to do this, even if many years
have elapsed since her menopause), thus allowing for all subsequent intimacies
to be divinely blessed.
The single greatest gift granted by God to humankind is teshuvah-the
possibility of return - to start anew and wash away the past. Teshuvah
allows man to rise above the limitations imposed by time and makes it
possible to affect our life retroactively. A single immersion in the mikvah
late in life may appear insignificant to some, a quick and puny act. Yet
coupled with dedication and awe, it is a monumental feat; it brings purity and
its regenerative power not only to the present and future but even to one's
In this way, each woman can link herself to an ongoing tradition that has
spanned the generations. Through mikvah she brings herself in immediate
contact with the source of life, purity, and holiness - with the God who
surrounds her and is within her always.