You, Not Love

You, Not Love

You, Not Love


Why did G-d create the world?

Some people believe, and it is written in some places also, that G-d created the world because He is kind, and it is the nature of a kind Being to do kindness.

Most people say that you get married because you found someone you love, so if you love someone, you marry them. That is not true.

What does it mean G-d created the world out of kindness? Where did kindness come from? Chassidus says that on the first day of creation G-d created Kindness, on the second day He created Strength and on the third day He created beauty.

So, if on the first day G-d created kindness, why did He do it? Out of kindness? Did He create kindness out of kindness? That doesn't make sense. G-d created the world because He wants you. He wants to become one with you. That is the desire for a dwelling place in this world for G-d. He wants to be one with you.

To make it possible, to help you become one, G-d created six things: Kindness, Strength, Beauty, Victory, Splendor and Foundation. In other words, in order to have you, He created Kindness. In order to have you, He created Strength and in order to have you He created Beauty.

You were not created because of His kindness. He created Kindness for you. The essence of kindness is love, which means that on the first day, G-d created love. Love is one of the ways that two can become one. What does He want? He wants you, not love. He created love for you.

That's why Rosh Hashanah is a very exciting and intense holiday. You don't sing and dance but it is very exciting. Rosh Hashanah means G-d wants you. He didn't even create kindness yet. The beginning of the year, the beginning of creation is, He wants you. If you need kindness, He creates kindness, if you need love, He creates love.

So look at the difference. In the first opinion you are created for love - because He loves, He creates you. Because He is kind, he creates you. So you are the product of kindness. In order for Him to be kind, He creates you.

Chassidus says the opposite. Not, you were created for love, love was created for you. Because He wants you and for that you need love- fine, I 'll create love.

This is what marriage means. Marriage means there is someone special who you are going to become one with forever. Will it help to have love? Fine, so have love. You don't feel it, create it, invent it, find it, borrow it - what's the difference? Get some, why? Because the person you are one with deserved it. You need mercy and you have to have compassion for the person you are married to, so create compassion.

It's a very romantic idea - a man says to a woman, I want to marry you and whatever it takes to make you happy, I will do. If you need love, I will invent love. If you need kindness I will become kind. I will become, and do, and have, whatever you need. But what I want, is you. That is called the Essential Connection. I want you. I, the essence of me, wants you. What part of you? No part, but you, the essence of you.

If love comes first and you are the product of love, then if the love goes away you are completely unnecessary.

That's what is wrong with the whole idea of dating and socializing, creating friendships and connections. You become the victim of emotion. I like you, so we're friends. I don't like you anymore so you're garbage. Why, because, I am not looking for you, I am looking for love. As long as I love you you are the most important thing in the world. If I don't love you, you're garbage. This is not Kosher. It's not nice to let it happen to you and it's not nice to do it to someone else.

So, let's get this straight. Love is created for people, people are not the victims of love. G-d did not create us because He wants to have love and we are his experiment. No! He wants us. You need love, so you create some. If you didn't need love, He wouldn't create it. He doesn't need it, He needs you!

That is an amazingly powerful statement!

Reprinted with permission from Mashpia and Mekabel, a project of and Rabbi Manis Friedman 
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